Diversity and Christen - An Introduction to Understanding and Discussion

*A disclaimer (that applies to any other post as well): you, the reader, and I, the author, have different values, norms, cultures, experiences, worldviews, backgrounds, etc. We probably aren't going to understand each other completely, or at all. That is perfectly okay! I think it's beautiful, in fact. If you would like to voice your disagreement, questions, curiousity, etc, I welcome it. All I ask is that you consider treating me and others with respect while discussing, and have ownership of your personal opinions.*

I started learning about and appreciating diversity a while ago, at least four years ago. I don't exactly remember when it all started. I'm assuming it was a class, maybe psychology in 10th grade? The mysterious origin of this way of viewing the world kinda adds to its beauty.

So ever since I was 15, if not before then, I have been passionate about learning about other cultures and ways of life and surrounding myself with different people. I think a lot of this has to do with growing up in Utah. Utah, and especially Davis County, is very white. It is also very Mormon; there are many LDS people and the LDS church is very involved in Utah government. Other stereotypes and majorities about Utah include: Republican, modest, kind, happy, traditional (which to some also means closed-minded), structured, etc. The main point of this is that Utah is NOT very diverse. *I would like to point out that Salt Lake City is much more diverse than the rest of Utah. But I have only lived there three months in my lifetime as a newborn, so it didn't affect my upbringing and worldview as much as Davis County has.* Although I have mainly grown up in Davis County, Utah, I also lived in Maryland from late-1999 to mid-2001. I was 7 and 8 at the time. Maryland is much more diverse than Utah! I think seeing this different view of the world also contributed to my appreciation for diversity.

I am currently taking an amazing class called Social Health and Diversity. (So far,) This class focuses on dominant and subordinate groups, the power difference between them, and what we can do to make things more equal. Dominant groups are groups that tend to have unearned privilege in society, not because of anything they do or don't do, but simply because of a part of who they are of how they are perceived to be. Dominant groups in America include white people, men, heterosexual people, non-disabled people, middle aged people, English speakers, native borns and citizens, Christians, thin/average weighted people, wealthy people, formally educated people (college), etc. Subordinate groups are groups that tend to have less privilege in society, not because of anything they do or don't do, but simply because of a part of who they are or how they are perceived to be. Subordinate groups in America include people of color, women and transgender people, non-heterosexual/LGBTQ/queer people, disabled people, children and elderly people, ESL/accented/non-English speakers, immigrants and non-citizens, non-Christians, overweight people, poor people, informally educated people (not college, not high school), etc. (I might explain more in later posts as I learn about this whole concept, but I think that's all I will explain for now. If you have any questions, ask! Please, don't freak out or feel bad before you have a better understanding of this concept. It's a tough one to swallow and grasp.)

So, with that explanation, I will rephrase my earlier statement. For a long time, at least since I was 15, I've been interested in learning about people in the subordinate groups. Although it may be subconscious, I have surrounded myself with people who are part of these subordinate groups. At the extreme, I have even at times not wanted to belong to the dominant groups. I want my future family to be multicultural, multiracial, multilingual, free thinkers, and to travel the world and see all different kinds of people and ways of living, and appreciate them all.

I've attempted to give insight to someone about this concept with this little analogy before: Most of my life I've been in a field of daisies. Daises are beautiful flowers. As I've had more experiences, I've seen sunflowers, and roses, and birds of paradise, etc. I want to be surrounded by all different kinds of flowers. There is nothing wrong with daises, and I still want to see them, but I also want to see other kinds of flowers.


Because of this passion and worldview, I describe myself as an "open-minded person," and living up to this is important to me. Recently, a friend told me that I am judgmental. This hit me pretty hard. I didn't want to hear it. But I am going to be honest here, I am not perfect. I am human, therefore I judge. Lately I've realized that, since I consider myself to be open-minded, sometimes I can't understand people who I perceive to be closed-minded, or at least who don't value diversity and respect in the same way that I do. I am admitting that it is difficult for me to understand people who make racist/sexist/homophobic/etc comments. I judge them. I want them to be more like me (because the way I am is correct, right? haha). But guess what, newsflash! People are different. People have different experiences, worldviews, flaws and talents, values, etc. No matter what, we are all valueable human beings who deserve respect. And although I'd like to change everyone (including myself) into non-judgmental, equality-loving, perfect people, it is just not going to happen. However, working on my own issues, expanding my own viewpoint, and learning about myself and others is something that I believe I can do to make the world a better place. I need to be reminded over and over again to let others be and focus on self-improvement. (Not to say that I'll ignore the growth and well-being of others; I just need to accept that ultimately it is out of my hands.) *At this point, I would like to apologize to anyone who has felt judged by me. I really do value you as an equal and worthy person, and I'm sorry that has not shown.*


I feel like this post is kind of a rambling of all the thoughts I've had for the past weeks, and even months and years, about this topic. I might edit it as I reread it and learn more. If you have any questions for clarification or bigger-picture understanding, please ask! Either on here or a more personal setting. Thanks for reading (:

Chick-fil-A

Today is "Chick-fil-A Appreciation Day" as brought about by Mike Huckabee. It is a really difficult day for me.

The point of this day is to appreciate the donations made by CfA's CEOs to anti-gay (or "pro-traditional marriage") organizations.

I have gone back and forth today - and for a while - about whether or not I should support and work for CfA. I am super passionate about LGBTQ rights. I've also loved CfA since I was a little girl (it is tasty!). I made the decision to work for CfA Sugarhouse last November fully aware that CfA is founded and run by Christian people and Christian viewpoints, which include the support of "traditional marriage." But the past few weeks the media aobut this has gotten out of control. Pro-queer people have decided to boycott CfA. In turn, pro-traditional marriage people have made a decision to spend money and eat at CfA today in their support of CfA's controversial donations. Here in America we have the freedom to do these sorts of things. It is acceptable.

Here's what's not acceptable. The media claims that CfA has donated money to Exodus International. Exodus International is an organization that strives to change gay people to straight, sometimes using reparative therapy. Reparative therapy is harmful and can cause long-term damage to clients' self-esteem and even their sexual health! (Without getting too graphic, it can permanently damage the function of sexual organs. That is effed up.) There has been no concrete, researched evidence that reparative therapy works, either. I do not believe that CfA's donations to Exodus International, and other similar organizations, is acceptable.

Although I do believe that some people are "on the right side of history" on this issue and others are "on the wrong side of history," I still believe that everyone is entitled to their opinions. But here is another thing that is not acceptable: bashing people on either side for their beliefs. A reason why I'm so passionate about LGBTQ rights is because I value love and equality/anti-discrimination above anything. It's obviously too optimistic, but I wish we could disagree on this issue and not hate each other for it. My parents are good examples of Christians who support "traditional marriage" but still show love to their daughters' LGBTQ friends and support their ally daughter. It is possible to respectfully disagree. Do I want to punch people who make ignorant anti-gay remarks? Uh yeah! But I choose to pity them and focus my energy on positive actions to express my LGBTQ support.

I almost feel guilty for working at CfA though. How can I work for a company that supports exactly the opposite of something I'm so passionate about? Something that comes to mind as I try to reconcile this is that CfA Sugarhouse has an out gay employee! There are also plenty of allies there. My individual workplace does not discriminate. (I haven't been there for a few months due to my summer job, so I guess things could be different now, but this is how it was a few months ago.) Should I ignore what Dan Cathy decides to do with CfA's money? I feel like that's what I have been doing. But now I feel like I shouldn't do that.

I feel like I'm in the middle of a fight between a friend and a significant other. I value and support my significant other (LGBTQ-ness) very much. My friend (Chick-fil-A) does not like my significant other and even donates money against hir*. But I don't want to just hate my friend. It's complicated. I'm sure many of you reading this won't understand my struggle. And that's okay. I can hardly grasp it.

Ultimately, we have the freedom to boycott or support Chick-fil-A. Just like we have the freedom to boycott or support JC Penny (for being pro-LGBTQ). I guess I have the freedom to be torn and not make a decision right now. (: But please please please please! just try to think twice before you say things and make sure they're respectful, no matter what "side of history" you are on.

I do want to make it clear that I absolutely do not support this day. If I was actively working at CfA Sugarhouse I would refuse to work today. It would make me sad for society.


*"Hir" (pronounced like "here") is a non-gender-specific term that can be used in replace of "her" or "him." "Ze" can be used instead of "she" or "he."


***UPDATE: I chose to quit working at Chick-fil-A, partly because of this, and partly because I got a job opportunity that was honestly better than working fast food. Overall I do not regret my decision.

Queer

I just officially finished my English 2850 GLBT Studies class at Salt Lake Community College. It was the best class I've taken so far. It caused me to realize the depth of my passion for LGBTQ rights and support. I've been raised in a conservative home, not really knowing much about queer people, but hearing that it was a sin. As I reached my teenage years I decided that I did not believe that homosexuality was wrong, and my support grow stronger throughout the years, especially when my close friend came out to me. But this class made me realize how much I love learning about queerness! I know many people nowadays would say that if they lived in the 60s, they would've Marched on Washington with MLK. In fifty years when same-sex marriages are normal and the gender binary system is broken down, I don't want to look back and regret not marching. Treating people like second-class citizens simply based on who they love is ridiculously wrong. It's just as wrong as segregation. 


Sometimes I wonder, in twenty years when queer people have their rights and no longer need activists, what will I do? I mean, could I really make a life-long career out of being passionate about equality? The answer is yes, I can. There are thousands of other people out there who are being discriminated against and treated unequally. Gay rights are the hot topic right now, but queers will get their rights and a new group of people will rise up and fight. 


I just have to throw my two cents in about religion vs. queer. (And this is probably/hopefully all I'll say about it because it gets messy and offensive.) Christians eat shellfish. Christians wear clothing made out of two different materials. Christians get tattoos. Why can't Christians love? (Yes, there is a double meaning in that.) I don't intend to hate or offend. I just ask you to stop and ask yourself, What Would Jesus Do?


I could write about this forever - and I probably will - so expect further, deeper blogs about this in the future.


A few things:
-LGBTQ stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Queer. Ally, Pansexual, Asexual, and Questioning could all be added to that as well (feel free to ask about of any of these, although I'll probably blog about them in the future). (:
-I realize that the fight for civil rights in the 60s is not exactly the same thing as the fight for queer equality right now. But it seems similar enough to me to make a decent comparison.

Love

Is it possible to love fully without expecting anything in return? (unconditional love?) Is is possible to love fully without receiving anything in return?


How can one work on treating others perfectly? How can one learn to ignore one's own emotions and consistently show love and respect to others? How can we show love when the people we love make us mad?


Being a good friend and having good relationships are some of the most difficult things in life. They are also the most important and most rewarding.


Humans are not perfect. And sometimes we don't treat each other perfectly. And it sucks. It really sucks. As much as we try to treat others perfectly, we fail. I guess that's why forgiveness is so important in relationships. 


trust forgiveness respect honor spontaneity honesty understanding commitment empathy consistency
hugs crying laughter smiles

Sometimes I try to do homework, then end up journaling

Where I’m at with life and such as of Thursday, February 22, 2012:

                I’ve known for years that I wanted to study psychology in college. I love learning about psychology, which made me come to the conclusion that I should do research, and even be a professor – making learning about psychology a life-long endeavor. In order to achieve this, I need a Ph.D. in psychology. I am currently taking a class called Psychology as a Science and Profession. Because of this class, I am realizing that I am not cut out for graduate school. It costs a lot of time, money, and stress (which includes a lack of social life, the near impossibility of having a family at the time, not being able to work outside of school, etc), and I don’t feel like I am willing to sacrifice that.

                So the question is, What next?

                Plan B: Get a bachelor’s degree in something related to psychology (aka something that I am still passionate about) that allows me to get a decent job/career without further schooling. (although Plan C or D or E etc could possibly be getting a master’s.) I’m tossing around ideas for majors such as Sociology or Gender Studies (but I, again, have no idea what careers I could make out of those degrees). I love learning about human behavior, how society functions, different cultures, gender, LGBT studies, etc.

                Whatever I end up doing, the following are the things I value most in life. Helping people, enjoying every day, and continually learning and teaching are three very important criteria that must be met in my future career. I want to have a family; I think I want to start having kids in probably my late twenties (=I want to have a job that is flexible so that I can be a good parent). Along those lines, I want to make enough money to (help) support my family and give my kids a good life. I personally need a perfect balance of productiveness and down time. I can’t be busy all the time, it overwhelms me and completely stresses me out and I don’t feel like I can enjoy life that way.

                I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am still discovering who I am and what I want to do with life. The prospect of choosing what I want to study and do for the rest of my life is overwhelming. Right now, my goal is to move out within the next two years. I don’t see myself being able to do that and pay for school ($5,000 a year at the U, plus books). I don’t want to know what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck. (Is that unrealistic at my age?)

                I had a crazy idea today. What if after this semester I started working full-time as a receptionist or something similar (side note: I could see myself being a receptionist for a living and not necessarily be passionate about it but I don’t think I’d be unhappy in that job.), maybe going to school part-time if possible, and just saving up money and eventually moving out? Is that unrealistic? (still wanting to live without too much stress, and not living paycheck-to-paycheck) P.S. I came to this idea because lately I have been stressed with school/homework and unexcited about my current job and stressed about money.

                There are so many variables. I am at a turning point in my life. It’s overwhelming. And also exciting.

Body Image

I am sick of the media telling me how I should look in order to feel beautiful.


I also hear people say that eating right and exercising should be done - yes, to have a nice and healthy body - but moreso to make you feel good. I fully believe in that, but I also know that sitting on a couch watching a comedy or eating a Chocolate Volcano from Thai Foon also makes me feel good!
I have disproportionately thick legs (which my boyfriend loves) and I don't have a flat stomache, but I have nice curves and frankly, I think I'm sexy. My stretch marks remind me of a gallant zebra. I think I'm beautiful, and that's all that matters.


I realize that not being in the habit of exercising will probably come back to haunt me as I grow older. I may be naive. But I am comfortable with my lifestyle and comfortable in my own skin.

That Awkward Moment When You Treat Your Blog as a Diary

Emotion is what makes the human experience so valuable, deep, and worthwile. There are moments when I have wished I couldn't feel emotion, because the emotion I was feeling was less than desireable. Lately I've noticed myself being apathetic. I used to find happiness in little things, and take a moment each day to appreciate the world's beauty. Such things occur rarely now. I ask myself why this is so, and what I can do to fix it. But on the other hand, I realize that this apathy is an emotion equally as important to experience as all the others; maybe I should just wait it out.

I feel like this has been more therapeutic than insightful or "brilliant." So thanks for listening for a moment; we could all use a little therapy sometimes.