Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Death and Memories

After watching a TV show in which a main character dies, I started thinking about death. Death is a weird concept. It can be seen as a cessation of the expectation of making new memories. At any given moment, any given relationship consists of merely memories. And, most relationships involve an expectation that more memories will be made in the future. Death is a guarantee that no new memories will be made in the future.

Most often, the cessation of the expectation of new memories is involuntary, as in death. But sometimes, it is voluntary, such as in break ups. There are a couple people I have known that I wish to never interact with or make new memories with again. But there is no guarantee that we won't run into each other someday. Then there's that awkward stage of relationships where there's no plan to make new memories, yet you miss the old memories. One particular person stands out in my mind as I type this. I think I'd like to make new memories with this person, but I don't think this person reciprocates. It's a different kind of heartbreak (than death). It's awkward and uncertain. And painful at times.

The person closest to me that has died is my great-grandpa Gene. He died about six or so years ago. I anticipate that my family's dog, Sam, will die somewhat soon. It will be weird when he dies. The mother of my sister's boyfriend, and his twin who I am also friends with, died about two years ago. I never knew her, but it's the most recent death I know of so it makes me emotional. I unfortunately have two other friends whose parent has died. I anticipate that my grandparents will die somewhat soon (which actually could be anywhere from now to thirty years from now). I think about this sometimes, but not too much because it makes me feel sad and scared. It's inevitable.

This post may be too personal. So I may delete it. I am feeling very pensive.

In the end, I guess this makes me grateful for the relationships I have that involve anticipating new memories.