Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Sometimes I try to do homework, then end up journaling

Where I’m at with life and such as of Thursday, February 22, 2012:

                I’ve known for years that I wanted to study psychology in college. I love learning about psychology, which made me come to the conclusion that I should do research, and even be a professor – making learning about psychology a life-long endeavor. In order to achieve this, I need a Ph.D. in psychology. I am currently taking a class called Psychology as a Science and Profession. Because of this class, I am realizing that I am not cut out for graduate school. It costs a lot of time, money, and stress (which includes a lack of social life, the near impossibility of having a family at the time, not being able to work outside of school, etc), and I don’t feel like I am willing to sacrifice that.
                So the question is, What next?
                Plan B: Get a bachelor’s degree in something related to psychology (aka something that I am still passionate about) that allows me to get a decent job/career without further schooling. (although Plan C or D or E etc could possibly be getting a master’s.) I’m tossing around ideas for majors such as Sociology or Gender Studies (but I, again, have no idea what careers I could make out of those degrees). I love learning about human behavior, how society functions, different cultures, gender, LGBT studies, etc.
                Whatever I end up doing, the following are the things I value most in life. Helping people, enjoying every day, and continually learning and teaching are three very important criteria that must be met in my future career. I want to have a family; I think I want to start having kids in probably my late twenties (=I want to have a job that is flexible so that I can be a good parent). Along those lines, I want to make enough money to (help) support my family and give my kids a good life. I personally need a perfect balance of productiveness and down time. I can’t be busy all the time, it overwhelms me and completely stresses me out and I don’t feel like I can enjoy life that way.
                I feel like I am at a point in my life where I am still discovering who I am and what I want to do with life. The prospect of choosing what I want to study and do for the rest of my life is overwhelming. Right now, my goal is to move out within the next two years. I don’t see myself being able to do that and pay for school ($5,000 a year at the U, plus books). I don’t want to know what it’s like to live paycheck to paycheck. (Is that unrealistic at my age?)
                I had a crazy idea today. What if after this semester I started working full-time as a receptionist or something similar (side note: I could see myself being a receptionist for a living and not necessarily be passionate about it but I don’t think I’d be unhappy in that job.), maybe going to school part-time if possible, and just saving up money and eventually moving out? Is that unrealistic? (still wanting to live without too much stress, and not living paycheck-to-paycheck) P.S. I came to this idea because lately I have been stressed with school/homework and unexcited about my current job and stressed about money.
                There are so many variables. I am at a turning point in my life. It’s overwhelming. And also exciting.

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Body Image

I am sick of the media telling me how I should look in order to feel beautiful.

I also hear people say that eating right and exercising should be done - yes, to have a nice and healthy body - but moreso to make you feel good. I fully believe in that, but I also know that sitting on a couch watching a comedy or eating a Chocolate Volcano from Thai Foon also makes me feel good!
I have disproportionately thick legs (which my boyfriend loves) and I don't have a flat stomache, but I have nice curves and frankly, I think I'm sexy. My stretch marks remind me of a gallant zebra. I think I'm beautiful, and that's all that matters.

I realize that not being in the habit of exercising will probably come back to haunt me as I grow older. I may be naive. But I am comfortable with my lifestyle and comfortable in my own skin.